im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
