She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
