I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
