i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
