I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
