WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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