come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
