wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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