I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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