so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
