My friends, they love my intelligence
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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