shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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