"it" just moved
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
