he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
