I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
