When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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