I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
