I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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