She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
