there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
