she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
