People in love make me want to vomit
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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