I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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