I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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