I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
