I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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