would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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