Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
