I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
