Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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