Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Blood and glitter go together right?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
