hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sponge bath it is.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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