And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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