Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
