Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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