1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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