Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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