I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
