so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
