a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
As shirtless as possible
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
