you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
