One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
