So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
