I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
