At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
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