i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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