Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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