Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
