Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
