naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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