i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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