I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
